


Two Drums In The Grey

by mercilessbeautifulworld (cali_woods)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anger, Angst, Betrayal, Escape, F/M, False Accusations, Guilt, On the Run, Sexual Content, Survival, Survival Training, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-11 06:10:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1169619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cali_woods/pseuds/mercilessbeautifulworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being found guilty of treason after trying to free Eren from a death sentence put upon him, Mikasa and Jean plan to run. With enough food for a few days and the clothing on their backs they escape into the forest, only to encounter things far worse than what they ever expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Escape

**“I can’t run any farther Mikasa. We need to stop. Just for a few minutes.”** Jean panted and gasped for air. Jean’s lungs burnt with every breath, sending a stinging sensation down his entire abdomen. His steps slackened as his upper body collapsed, his hands grasping onto his knees.

Mikasa turned, still pounding the ground with her feet. Her steps slowed as she turned to look at the man. Her raven hair stuck to her wet sweat ridden face. She lifted her hand to wipe the hair from her eyes, placing it behind her ears. Her eyes looked over Jean as she took silent breaths.

 **“Jean, we don’t have time to stop. Who knows how close they are behind us. We need to find cover, we don’t have time for you to give up now.”** Mikasa protested. Her eyes darted form one side of the horizon to the other, praying that she would not see a group of men closing in on them.

Mikasa walked forward and took a hold of Jean’s shirt, yanking him up to eye level. **“I am not going to die waiting for you.”** She hissed.

Jean glared at her. His eyebrows furrowed as wrinkles started to form on his forehead. He could not believe what she was expecting him to do. They had been running for hours, he did not have enough energy to go any farther. She wanted him to keep running until they found cover? That could take the entire night; he was not about to do that.

Mikasa’s eyes darted back to the horizon as she heard the sound of small clacking. What she had feared had finally appeared in the distance.

 **“We need to go. NOW JEAN.”** Mikasa screamed as she scrambled to start running again, holding onto the cuff of Jean’s shirt. **“I am not going to let you die alone here.”**

 

* * *

  **~10 Hours Earlier~**

* * *

 

 **“Guilty!”** I screamed.

I couldn’t help myself; this was not all right. We were found guilty of treason? How was this even fucking possible? They were the one experimenting on Eren. The little shit couldn’t keep himself out of trouble. But they were hurting him. Mikasa and I were just trying to free him.

Thoughts polluted my mind:

_Why did I get myself into this situation? Why couldn’t I just stick to my own fucking business this time? I could be lying in my cot right now, joking with that fuck head Connie about girls we would bang before this disaster of a world. Fuck._

_But could I have been able to live with myself? I fucking hate this situation! Why do I have to be such a loyal guy? Well apparently I’m not, considering I just got accused with treason._

_Then there is Mikasa over there, and she is not saying a word. Like fucking usual. You know she was the one that got me into this mess, she better be thinking of someway to get us out of it. What am I even thinking; there is no way out of this. We are dead; both of us._

Mikasa hadn’t moved in minutes. She just stared at the ground. I looked down at the floorboards where she stared, hoping that it would give me the same kind of reassurance it seemed to be giving Mikasa. It sickened me how she was able to be so silent.

All I wanted to do was explode. Punch a hole right through the fucking wall, but what would that help? We were stuck in this cabin until the morning.

I thought I was going to vomit thinking about what was going to happen to the both of us in the morning. I could feel my throat fighting back my dinner. Which wasn’t fucking much by the way. They feed us like prisoners… well we fucking are, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t fucking suck.

 **“We need to get ourselves out of this. I can’t believe we are going to die. With the last twelve hours of my life I don’t wanna be stuck in a cabin having to think about my own death. I hope they shoot us. Just shoot us right in the back. I don’t want to see it coming. I don’t wanna fucking deal with that shit.”** I said as I started to pace the room. It calmed me down… a little bit.

I turned around to look at her again, but she said nothing. **“Look Mikasa… I mean… these are our last hours… maybe we can make the best of them.”** I suggested.

I couldn’t help myself. The thought of spending my last moments with Mikasa wasn't such a bad idea if we spent it doing something useful. I could picture it. Her soft skin under my lips as I explored her body. The soft moans that would escape her mouth as I kissed her neck. The smooth motions of our bodies against one another.

I had to calm myself down.

I had wanted Mikasa for so long. Not just sexually, but just in general. Mikasa was beautiful and she was strong. She cared for people even though she shut them out. Except Eren. Fucking Eren. Everything was always his fault.

I knelt down to eye level with Mikasa. As I finally locked eyes with her I didn’t know what to say. She looked so lost in her own mind. Had she heard anything that I said? Was she even paying attention?

 **“Mikasa.”** I said loudly, until she gasped a moment, locking eyes with me.

 

* * *

 

I could not think. I could not feel. I could barely breathe. It took all I had inside to take in the oxygen and let it out again.

I do not regret my choice; don’t take my denial as a form of remorse. I would free Eren a thousand times over if that meant that he was going to be safe. But was he safe? He was free, somewhere out in the wilderness, but where was he? Was he healthy? Was he scared?

The thought made my stomach drop.

I let my mouth fall open. I did not care how I looked; I felt like a sleepwalker, I might as well look like one. My mind started to race. Just as I felt the dark voices of guilt creep into the back of my mind another voice came through. It was worried, but it was warm. My mind listened to it instead.

I sucked in air as I realized I had not been breathing. I looked up at Jean’s honey colored eyes and I could see them desperately pleading for me. I knew that my eyes did nothing but confirm his worst fears.

I tried to speak but nothing came out. I could feel the warmth of his strong hands as they grasped my arms. My body moved as he began to shake me. There were too many things going on. The dark thoughts, the lack of air, the motion.

I could not handle it.

I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but I do remember my fist flew forward, colliding straight with his nose. I remember broken images of him falling backwards. I remember the look of complete shock on his face.

Then I remember the feeling of self-control coming back to me.

I stood and glared down at him. **“Are you going to sit around and complain or move your ass and do something?”** I hissed down at him.

I could not tell if it was still shock or anger that took over him next but he just sat there, silent. A few growls escaped his mouth, but nothing I was concerned with. Jean never said much worth the time to listen. It was a pity because I am sure that he is smart man, but he uses his mouth for nothing but pure stupidity.

 **“We need to fight.”** I objected.

Jean wiped the blood dripping from his nose and staggered back to his feet. His eyes widened as he looked over me. It was like he was looking at a ghost, or someone who had gone completely insane, and maybe I had.

 _“Fight?!”_ Jean whispered, aggressively pulling me forward. He kept his eye towards the window, looking for the guard that stood outside our door. _“We don’t stand a chance, there is a whole squad out there just waiting to kill us, literally.”_

My feet made a shuffling sound as I grabbed for a bag on the far side of the empty cabin. I could feel Jean’s eyes glaring at my back. I was not going to sit and wait to die. I wouldn’t let it happen again. I threw what was left of our dinners into the back and threw it at Jean.

Stumbling backwards he caught it and watched me confused.

 **“Someone once told me that if you do not fight, you could not win. So we need to fight. We need to try Jean.”** I uttered.


	2. The Escape (Jean's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and Jean have made their choice to run, only question is, can they even make it out of the camp alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out guys. I had mid-terms.

The light-headedness was taking over my body. My legs wouldn’t move, not even when I tried to make them go forward. My throat was nothing but a dry desert craving water. My body had steady throbs as I just tried to focus on the figure in front of me.

I could feel Mikasa pulling at my shirt; I could see the desperateness on her face. I did not even know if all of this was fucking worth it. We were running away from an army. They had weapons, they had horses, and they had everything they would need to find us.

They also had all of that when we escaped the camp, but we still won that battle. We didn’t do it alone, but we still won.

My mind kept wandering back to a few hours ago when we were trying to escape the cabin that we had been locked in… Just Mikasa bringing up the idea was crazy to me...

 

* * *

  

_“Someone once told me that if you do not fight, you could not win. So we need to fight. We need to try Jean.”_

My nose was still bleeding at that point. What the fuck was going through this crazy broads mind? First she punches me in the face and then she says we need to fight? The whole fucking survey corps? How the fuck were they supposed to accomplish that? He knew Mikasa was a good fighter, but not good enough to fight off a hundred men at once.

 **“We already tried to fight Mikasa and we got locked up in this fucking cabin. We are surrounded on all sides, we make the wrong move, and they shoot us. We try and escape and they shoot us. We stay here; they shoot us in the morning. There is no way to escape our ultimate fate here Mikasa!”** I tried to explain to her. 

Her eyes just stared at me. Her expression did not change, like she was just going to sit and wait for me to do what she asked. She made me think of my mother looking at me like that. What? She thought that just because she suggested it I was going to jump to please her. While normally I would not object to that, there was nothing we could do at this moment that would save us. Nothing. Fucking nothing.

I watched Mikasa and she finally started to walk forward towards me. She didn’t walk like she normally did. She normally walked like she was on a mission, like she always had somewhere to go, always had something to save. But her steps were quiet and they were soft. Finally she stopped only inches in front of me. Leaning forward she put a hand on my chest and I froze.

What was going on? Why was she touching me? I didn’t object of course, any time Mikasa decided to make any interaction with me was good, but I didn’t know just how to respond, or what she was doing.

Her lips started to trail over my shoulder and up my neck. I could feel my skin begin to get hot. I could barely control myself… if you know what I mean. I was getting a little excited, maybe she had changed her mind, maybe we were going to go with my original idea to just enjoy our last few hours. I could feel my heart start to race. 

Her soft lips stopped at my ear as I started to lean into her touch _. Keep going Mikasa, don’t just stop._ I thought.

 _“This is the plan.”_ Mikasa stated and I became a little frigid. Plan? She had a plan for us screwing around? So she had thought about it too. I got more excited. _“We get a last meal right? That is one thing they always allow us to have, no matter what. Well that is when we are going to escape. They don’t think much of us, that we are only two kids, but we can escape then. I know exactly what we are going to do.”_

As Mikasa started to explain the plan of course I was a little disappointed, this was not exactly what I was expecting.

Than I looked up at the window in front of me, and I noticed just what she was doing. We were being watched from the window. I could see the set of eyes on us and I suddenly understood what she was doing. Someone must have heard us talking and started to watch us. One of the guard and now Mikasa was trying to act like we were just going to screw around.

Why couldn’t Mikasa just wanted to screw around? Why couldn’t I just die happy?

****

* * *

For my last meal I asked for steak and potatoes. Meat was a delicacy and potatoes just seemed like a good side. Mikasa asked for some kind of bird, duck I think it was. I wasn’t thinking much about the food, but more about how we were going to have to break out when the food came. Mikasa had a good plan, but everything needed to go perfect for it to work, and nothing ever fucking seemed to go fucking perfect for me.

I stood leaning against the wall as I just watched Mikasa prepare. Our bags were ready, both of them resting next to the door. Mikasa had been tearing out pieces of the wooden bed frame and sharpening them under a pillow. She had to make sure she did not look like she was planning to escape as the guard liked to peak through our windows.

I remember how I lost my breath when I heard the knock on the door.

Fuck. Fuck, now? I did not think that I was ready to fight now. But I had no choice right? I took my back off of the side of the door that I was leaning on and walked to wear I was behind the side of the door when it opened.

Mikasa sat up on the bed and I watched, as she seemed to turn into someone else. Her face changed from the girl was trying to be; to the warrior she already knew that she was.

The door started to open and I could smell the alcohol on the man. There was just something about the guard and alcohol; they always seemed to be drinking. That made me feel better though, slower reflexes, as least from this guy.

 I had the first move out of all of this.

 The guy murmured curse words as he glared at Mikasa. _“Where is your fucking friend? This is his food.”_ The guy hissed throwing the tray onto the ground. Great.

 My fucking food was all of the ground. What if I actually wanted that, fuck face?

 I moved my foot so I could open the door a little bit more before I slowly made my way behind the man and wrapped my foot around his ankle. I swept his foot up and slammed my arm against his back, making him fall face first into the ground. I could hear his nose crack as it collided with the ground with a loud thud.

 That loud thud was all it took to have the rest of the guard coming through the door. I could feel my heart race as I moved my foot to collide with the back of the guard to was already on the ground’s head.

Mikasa had already made her way past me. I could hear her grunt she threw her punches. I turned as soon as I knew the guard I kicked was unconscious to help Mikasa. There was four of the guards, less than I had guessed would be there at first.

I did not even take a moment to catch my breath. Mikasa had her hands full, using her wooden weapon she had made to pin a guard to the wall. Though as she did I could see another coming right at her back.

 I was not sure what came over me, but all I saw was red. My body got hot as I watched that guard start to swing that knife towards Mikasa’s back. I wish that I could remember what I did or how I did it, but I just remember that I came back after all the guards were already down.

The one thing I could remember was the shock in Mikasa’s eyes. She took a moment just to stare at me. I was confused as I looked down at the blood that covered my uniform and the knife that lay in my hand.

Did… Did I kill these men? The knife fell from my hand and Mikasa just looked at me worried before taking my blood soaked hand in hers. _“We need to go, now. Armin will have extra clothing you can change into.”_ She stated before pulling me out the door.

I killed people on my own kind. I killed my own guard. I don’t even remember how I fucking did it. I don’t remember any part of it… but I must have killed them. And that look, the look that Mikasa gave me was what had really hit me. She almost looked frightened of me. Did I frighten her? 

Mikasa pulled and yanked me around the camp silently before we stumbled into the cabin that Armin and Eren were supposed to be staying in, and now it was just Armin.

Closing the door behind us I looked around, my mind suddenly getting back on track. We had to go. We had to go now. Why were we here? Why were we not running?

Though instead of asking I just began to strip from my clothing as Mikasa began to search the cabin. Armin wasn’t here, where was he? Mikasa did not seem to ask as she threw the extra uniform on the bed next to me. 

The blood soaked clothing cling to my skin. I felt sick to my stomach. I am a fucking monster aren’t I? I couldn’t believe what I had done.

I looked at the uniform I had just removed and I could feel my body start to reject whatever I had in my stomach.  I stumbled over to the corner of the room, discarding of whatever I had in my stomach. I didn’t care is Mikasa was watching, I was a fucking monster anyways. 

I took a few moments to start to contain myself and stood up straight. I started to feel numb as I took a few deep breaths. I turned and made my way back to the bed to change into the clothing. As I did I heard the door of the cabin creak open. I took a step towards it, ready to take down anyone who threatened my and Mikasa’s safety.

Mikasa watched me and took a step in front of me swiftly as Armin came into view. “No, Jean, just change. Just relax.” Mikasa whispered and I looked at the floorboards and turned around. Fucking monster.

I could hear the embrace of Mikasa and Armin as I turned by back to them and began to slip the uniforms pants on. My mind had gone blank as I just tried to block out any and all emotion. The mumbles of the two talking were soon blocked as I started to put my shirt on.

I did not know for how long I had been standing there before I felt a hand on my back. Mikasa made her way around to the front of me, just staring.

 _“Armin has a way for us to get off the camp, Sasha and Connie are already out there distracting the wall guard, and we need to leave now.”_ She whispered.

I could feel my heart again. As my eyes connected with hers I could feel the emotions start to slowly slip back into me. Maybe killing those men was worth it if it meant that I could see those eyes.

It was time to go.

 

* * *

 

_“I am not going to let you die alone here.”_

Mikasa started to drag me behind her and I could feel my legs dragging on the ground before I was able to anchor my feet down for balance and standing again, forcing my legs to take one step after the other. 

I was not going to let Mikasa die trying to keep me alive either. That single thought was the only things that kept me moving. I didn’t give a fuck if Eren was alive in the forests that we were supposed to meet him. I did not care if I was going to survive.

Mikasa. Mikasa was the only thing that mattered right now. I had to do this for her.

 


End file.
